REJECTED — NOW WHAT?
Once upon a time, I was a ray of sunshine. And just like the protagonist in any anime series I loved, I have felt the pump of optimism within my veins. I can feel the rush, yes. I am exceptional, I am amazing, I am going to change the world..
..until I fell on the depths of rejection.
Rejection is a painful, slap-on-the-face event that makes us feel worthless, guilty, and frustrated. It became a constant reminder of our inadequacy and weaknesses.
But as human beings, we recognize rejections as something permanent — as if it defines our lives, our achievements, and our fate. Just like how Atlas carried the world on his shoulders, we carry rejections as a burden until it takes a toll on us and eventually breaks us. And even when we are reminded that rejections can be a source of inspiration, it’s still hard to turn away from it and just move on. Because at the end of the day, we’d still soak our pillows with tears and frustrations, while asking ourselves all the questions of what-ifs and only-ifs. We always knew that this agony won’t be getting us anywhere, but we still hold onto it.
What makes it hard to accept rejection?
It’s PRIDE. Let’s get it straight. Rejections are the wrecking ball of pride. Pride is built through numerous hardships, sacrifices, achievements, or just mere narcissism (excuse me). It’s how we perceive and carry ourselves. We go outside and face the society ready to unleash the pride within — through the images we post on Instagram, or the credit cards we flex as we pay for our friend’s dinner. Or, it could be submitting a job proposal to a writing agency because, hell we know it, we feel that our competence and capabilities are above standards (insert sunglass emoji here).
At a glance, pride is helpful. But just like any other thing, when not utilized in moderation, is quite deadly. Just like how rejection crippled the pride in me. Yes, I was the one who submitted a job proposal to a writing agency and yes, I am gravely rejected.
And I took the rejection seriously, pierced it inside my consciousness, let the pain disable me, and I heard myself saying, ‘Oh, what a shame it is to be incompetent and inadequate. I will never grow. I will be like this forever. I’m just a loser. Passion project is canceled, abort mission!’.
Familiar scenario? Well, we’re in the same boat, mate. We treat rejections as a wound that would never heal, when in fact, it’s just a scratch. We forget to remind ourselves that pain is a crucial factor for growing, and rejection is one element of it. It exists for a purpose — to learn something new and grow as an individual.
“Sometimes you gotta bleed to know, that you’re alive and have a soul”
- Tear in my Heart, twenty one pilots
Are there still any ‘rejection moments’ that you can still remember? Do you still feel the guilt, or the shame, or the worthlessness that is connected with that moment? Are you still afraid about the consequences of doing your rejected actions?
I have faced rejection multiple times until I finally got tired of myself. I can still remember how badly my aunt treated me just because I don’t look like my mom (it’s another term for saying I’m ugly). Because of that, I lose my confidence. I wasn’t able to join organizations or pursue anything that involves socialization because I felt that people would make fun of me, and will never be interested in my actual potential. I could also remember the numerous times my father evicted us from our house, and how he would constantly tell me that I am not his daughter, so that he would cut his responsibilities to me.
These rejections created an idea that no one would ever love me, and love is temporary. That after all the efforts I contributed in a relationship, it will just end. And it is me who will get rejected. I don’t deserve happiness, and I resent optimism. I kind of accepted the fact that I’ll live in isolation, with plants and cats, maybe selling some vintage stationeries and reading books.
Rejections created a hole in me. And I thought that those people who rejected me should be the same people who would heal me. But that’s the w rong perception about recovering from a rejection. It’s ourselves who could patch a bandage in our wounded soul, and to finally accept rejection as some manure-type of fertilizer. It’s quite unappealing, but it guides us towards growth.
I never knew the essence of learning from repudiations until I learned how to accept myself, including my scars and my weaknesses. All these posts from social media kept on telling us to love ourselves, yet it tends to generalize weaknesses in the form of physicality only. There is a lack of awareness about the weaknesses inside our minds. Weak mindset became a symbol of ungodliness, lack of faith, and insanity. It’s like getting rejected because you got rejected.
Double-dead, but not the end.
So hey, how can we recover from rejections?
Let’s accept a fact — healing from rejection is not something we could do instantly.
I know most of us desire to be that spontaneous, vibrant, and gorgeous person who just seems to carry life easily. Someone who has life determined already, someone who has goals and actually brings it to life, with a twinkling, glamorous blast. Oh how we hope we’re so sure about our lives, and we have everything we ever asked for. Just too busy living in luxury to think about rejection problems.
The first direction we are bound to take is self-acceptance, and a journey towards self-abundance would require the beauty of time.
Let’s not force ourselves to instantly accept the defeats when we really can’t do it. Instead, acknowledge your pain and reactions towards the rejection you are facing. Never invalidate it. Feel the pain, cry it out loud, and finally break-free from the chains that kept on pulling you down.
Rejections are integral in driving within our purpose. Accept rejections as a pain, as something that hurts the pride in us. But it’s never a symbol of hopelessness. It’s not a notification from some higher being that you should stop living the life you’re happy with. Moreover, rejections should not be rationalized as the first step to success, since this mentality will only lead to expectations, and then to disappointments.
